-Posted by Sage

Comic Con Speed Dating is a thing that happens.

As soon as I received the email notification about it, I knew I had to go. What would possibly make a more perfect Head Over Feels post? Also: I’m single, pushing 30, and own a Sonic Screwdriver with light and sound effects. I must be the target demo.

The day drew nearer, and I started to actually get a little excited. I love people who love things. And people who don’t love things sort of freak me out. Also, hot geeks exist; I’ve seen them. I assumed the room would be filled with guys like this:

Zach Levi Nerd Machine

Or this:

Nathan Fillion Entertainment Weekly

Or maybe even this:

Nasa Mohawk Guy

Ugh. Remember NASA guy?

Emma Stone Nerd Flirting

I arrived at the Javits Center last night and made my way through throngs of anime characters, Marvel superheroes, and several decent Marty McFlys (Doc Brown was signing at the Autograph Table). I signed a photo release, picked up my badge, and headed around the corner to the girls’ holding pen. The guys were around another corner. No peeking, I suppose.

There were some fine looking women in my group. I predicted that the tattooed hottie in the sexy Ewok outfit would get the most numbers. Dudes: do not sleep on geek girls. They’re smart, funny, and probably own a lot of costumes. Do with that what you will.

We chatted while we waited – most girls had never speed dated before, but most were Comic Con veterans. Some were with friends, some were rolling solo like me. (KIM, I WISH YOU HAD BEEN THERE!) We were herded into a convention room where pairs of folding chairs faced each other, each topped with a 3×5 index card and a pen. Two long tables were at either side of the room, with 30 or so numbered sheets of paper that were otherwise blank. The host of the show introduced himself and gave us The Talk. If we felt uncomfortable or unsafe during a date, we were to stretch our arms and arch our back. Once the date was done, he would follow up, get the story, and probably toss the guy out. I don’t know if he realized the irony of pushing one’s chest closer to the face of a known creeper, but I assume not. He also told us that we “better have a sense of humor,” cause he was going to be lightening the mood with some “edgy jokes.”

Leo Cannot

Get me out of here.

The host proceeded to tell a few “jokes” that made me wish I could pull the ol’ boobs-in-face-back-stretch secret code on him.   Finally, the moment of truth. The guys filed into the room. No love at first sight, but also no immediate evidence of serial killing tendencies. Not even a Dexter cosplay. We were given the lowdown on the process – 3 minutes, no names, guys rotate, and keep track of the numbers of the dates we liked on our cards. Annnnnnnnd…go.

Let me just say: the guys were, on the whole, quite lovely to talk to. Comic Con draws a pleasantly diverse group in age, race, and background. No one was cripplingly shy or scary or inappropriate. I just have a few pieces of constructive criticism:

  • Boys, you are at COMIC CON Speed Dating. You don’t have to pretend to be normal and uninteresting with us. The most fun conversations started with “What are you here to see?” or “Have you gone to any panels?”, and not the most dreaded question in any form of organized or unorganized dating: “So…where are you from, originally?” #theworst
  • It’s not cute to put your date on the spot. “What’s the most interesting thing about you, in 8 words?” Slow your roll there, tiger. All of a sudden, what should be a low-stress conversation is an audition. What’s so great about you that we need to pull out some fact and impress you? Please.
  • Do not question our loves. When they saw my Loki: God of Cuteness shirt, several guys responded with incredulity. “That guy?” “Loki’s cute?” “I don’t think most girls would agree.” My response was always, “Check Tumblr. Every girl with a Tumblr is in love with him.” One dude was like, “Why?”

Because Tom Hiddleston

If you want to date a geek girl, you should probably get used to hearing about this guy.

No love connection for me, but a few of the guys wrote their contact info on my sheet. I’m terrible at taking notes though, so I don’t remember who any of them were. Whoops. Still, meeting 30 single dudes isn’t a bad way to spend two hours. The only excruciating part came at the end, when our host held us hostage and made us listen to his celebrity impressions. Sorry ladies, he’s taken.

And that’s Comic Con Speed Dating! I did it so you don’t have to. Leave your dating event war stories in the comments and we’ll all feel less alone.