Congrats on the sex!

Posted by Sage

I like to think I know you guys pretty well. Thus, I’m guessing that you’re pretty excited for tonight’s episode of New Girl. Considering the way my timeline blew up last Tuesday night, we’re all pretty invested in the budding attraction and possible romance between Jessica Day and Nick Miller (Nick Miller, from the streets of Chicago.) I usually catch up with the loft crew on Hulu on Wednesday morning. But immediately after it aired, I got a text from Blog Wife ordering me to find some way of getting my hands on the episode ASAP. Because it was “up there with Jeff and Annie in the season 1 finale. And ‘Casino Night.”‘ “Casino Night”?  The standard to which I hold all “my-ship-is-setting-sail” moments? I think I can make time for that.

And was it ever “Casino Night” good. If I had had a pack of cigarettes on hand, I would have smoked them all at the same time. And I don’t smoke.

As much as I re-watch and flail over THE moments, my favorite part is what comes after that first kiss, love confession, or oops-we-accidentally-naked. From the preview clips, we can tell that tonight’s New Girl starts right where the last left off.  And I am jonesing for some awkward, “what did we just do?” shenanigans. To prepare, I’ve collected a few of my favorite “Morning After” scenes from television and movies. Join me in the gutter, won’t you?

Chandler and Monica – Friends

Friends had been dropping hints about Mondler for an entire season, but this reveal still broke my teenage brain. I particularly enjoy how Monica is looking relatively calm, while Chandler is clutching the sheet to his body like a virgin on prom night. (We’ll get to one of those later.) Even though this hook-up was set up like a drinking-sad/comfort-sex mistake, we all knew these two were in it for the long haul. And, bonus, in the 7th season episode “The One with the Truth about London,” we get to see how the whole thing actually went down.

Ross and Rachel in Vegas – Friends

There’s something that you really need to know to truly understand me as a person. My Friends OTP isn’t Ross/Rachel. It isn’t even Chandler/Monica, though they’re a close second. I will forever carry the banner for Joey/Rachel, and I will and have gone down with that ship.

That’s a whole post on its own. But the main reason I changed allegiances is that I got the Ross/Rachel fatigue. The high drama moments were exhausting. This Ross and Rachel, the exes and friends who are kind of still weird around each other, are my favorite. Instead of dealing with an emotional crisis, they’re dealing with the fallout of epic drunkenness and a wedding that was, to quote Ross, “Nevada’s fault.” Helllooooo, Mrs. Ross. Hellooooooo, Mr. Rachel!

Brodie and Rene – Mallrats

Brodie hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega

“What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.”
“Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ’s sake. It’s only the second period and I’m up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, “the Whale,” they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.”

Brodie Bruce’s ideal post-coital plans involve a few hours of video games before an afternoon of Olympic-caliber loitering. But Rene decides it’s still a better deal than being fucked in the back of a Volkswagen by a husky Ben Affleck. That’s what they’re talking about, right?

Jim and Michelle, sort of – American Pie

For everyone who ever wished they could have the fun night AND the bliss of waking up alone. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t have it all.

Lucy and Henry – 50 First Dates

Everything is going to be okay 50 First Dates

Life is a series of “morning afters” for Henry and Lucy, because Lucy straight up cannot remember the guy she wakes up to everyday. Somehow these horrifying circumstances are remedied by just a VHS tape and really good intentions. Don’t think about it too much. Just…don’t.

Sally and Harry – When Harry Met Sally

When Harry Met Sally I'm gonna be forty

“When?” “Someday!” “In 8 years.” “But it’s THERE!”

Immediately after sleeping together for the first time, Harry and Sally call their respective bffs Jess and Marie for an info dump. Sidebar: can we bring back the split-screen, please?

Anyway, even soulmates like our titular characters aren’t always in synch. Jess and Marie go from ecstatic (“We’ve been praying for it!”) to supportive (“That’s horrible.”), when they hear how unsatisfied and insecure their friends feel. Then they hang up their phones, cuddle up, and sigh about how happy they are to not be in the dating world anymore. “These crazy kids and their romantic entanglements! When are they gonna just settle down, get married, and install separate bedside landlines on which to counsel their single friends?”

Ben and Alison – Knocked Up

Why the fuck are we even awake

Sue me – I’m just not that grossed out by the idea of Seth Rogen taking me to breakfast at a greasy spoon and telling me about his tech-porn startup. I’d prefer NOT to be pregnant at the same time, but we can talk.

Ben and Leslie – Parks and Recreation

Leslie's iMovie Parks and Rec

A grand highlight of any “morning after” scenario is the moment where our hero tells her sidekick that things are getting canon up in here. Obviously, Leslie Knope puts more effort and panache into this than anyone else ever could. She makes a Hollywood-style trailer.

“Ann! Ben and I hooked up last night, ahhhhhh! And I learned how to use iMovie! Call me later, bye!”

Doug and the German girl – The Cutting Edge

The only Cutting Edge gif that matters

I couldn’t find a gif of the scene in question, but WHO CARES THIS IS THE BEST ONE ANYWAY.

Douglas Dorsey may not know this chick’s name (Anita? Rita?), but he does know how to party. He went so hard the night before that he was late getting to THE OLYMPICS. If he had been a less self-destructive person, he wouldn’t have plowed straight into his future love, Kate Mosley (“Honey, where I come from, we stand for the National Anthem.”) on the way to the ice or have earned the injury that ended him up in the far superior sport of figure skating. And, by the way? NAMEN GITA. GITA!

Lady Mary and Mr. Pamuk – Downton Abbey

Lady Mary and Mr Pamuk

“I’ll just secretly bed this rakish Turk right under the nose of my entire family, visiting dignitaries, and a batting lineup of servants. What could possibly go wrong?”

We’ll see how tonight Nick and Jess’s continued story compares to these tales of death, Vegas marriages, and selective memory loss. What are your favorite “morning after” moments? Leave them in the comments!

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