Posted by Kim

Earlier this week Sage posted her Top 5 TV Boyfriends, so clearly I must do the same.  It’s funny, because as I was putting list together, I realized that I not only have a physical type when it comes to my TV boyfriends, I clearly have an emotional type as well.  All of these men are men who are SURE.  They are SURE in their love for their partner, even when they are not in a relationship with them.  Their love never wavers.  Clearly, that says something about me, but that analysis is probably better left to a shrink.

There is a quote from Grey’s Anatomy that sums all of these guys up:

I am sure. I am steady. And I know that I am a heart man. I take them apart and I put them back together and I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this I am sure, you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend, my heart…my heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you me.

(Now, let’s IGNORE the fact that the above wedding didn’t actually happen.  That’s neither here nor there.)

So let’s take a look at these men who have given women everywhere incredibly unrealistic expectations for relationships, shall we?

1) Seeley Booth – Bones

I’m just gonna go ahead and quote Angela Montenegro here: “Booth is a big, strong, hot guy who wants to save your life. I mean, you actually have a knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor, so cut him some slack.”

Enough said.  Next please.

Also I CANNOT with how he looks at Brennan.  Boreanaz has TRULY perfected the “I love you so much it physically hurts me” look, no?

And if that’s not enough, as we saw in last week’s episode, he puts on carnivals for sick children and wants to remain anonymous about it. *DIES*

2) Pacey Witter – Dawson’s Creek

Pacey Witter treads the line between TV Bad Boy that we love anyway (our post about THOSE is coming in the next few weeks) and perfect TV Boyfriend.  But come on.  HE BOUGHT JOEY A WALL (well…rented it.  BUT STILL).  He counted to ten before kissing her again just in case she wanted to stop him.  He “remembers everything”.  He named his boat “True Love” for Joey.  Basically, underneath all of his bravado, Pacey Witter was the world’s BIGGEST romantic.

Stop it.

Sure Pacey was very often self-destructive and plagued by feelings of unworthiness (UGH THE END OF SEASON FOUR).  He always had the best of intentions, but often messed up in trying to carry them out.  But his flaws are what made him perfect.  No matter what, no matter how badly he would muck things up, you always cheered for him and wanted him to be happy.  Even if it WAS with Joey Potter, who didn’t deserve his wonderfulness.

Yeah I said it.

3) Marshall Eriksen – How I Met Your Mother

“DEAL WITH IT.”

How can you not be madly in love with Marshall Eriksen?  He really IS cuddly,bitch.  He sings everything he does.  He unabashedly believes in every single fictional monster.  He has no patience for letting tannins in wine breathe.  He’s never afraid of looking ridiculous in the name of an awesome couples Halloween costume.  He embraces both Sex and the City and Star Wars and is always handy with an awesome pop culture reference.  He is goofy and sweet and wonderful.  He’s the man you want to take home to meet your mom and he is the world’s greatest best friend.  He is always in your corner, yet is unafraid to call you out on your bullshit when you need it.

Yeah.  He’s perfect.

Also He can rhapsodize on the joys of a hamburger like no one else can:

“Just a Burger? Just a burger. Robin, it’s so much more than “just a burger.” I mean… that first bite-oh, what heaven that first bite is. The bun, like a sesame freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard cloud below, flavors mingling in a seductive pas de deux. And then… a pickle! The most playful little pickle! Then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and a… a patty of ground beef so exquisite, swirling in your mouth, breaking apart, and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savory so delightful. This is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread, Robin. This is God, speaking to us in food”

Yet he gets his wedding vows off the internet.

But the thing that is most amazing about Marshall is his complete and utter devotion to the love of his life, Lily Aldrin.  He never wavers in it.  She’s the only woman he’s ever been with.  He calls her everyday at lunch time to tell her he loves her.  He’s picked her up at the airport with a full marching band.  We should all be so lucky to find someone like him.  So thanks for ruining our lives by creating this perfect perfect man, Jason Segel, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays.  You all are the worst.

4) Jim Halpert- The Office

RUDE.

Let’s ignore what is CURRENTLY happening on The Office.  We all know how I feel about the character assassination that is happening with Jim right now.  BECAUSE JIM HALPERT IS FUCKING PERFECT OKAY?  STOP MESSING HIM UP GREG DANIELS. He is sweet and wonderful and mischievous and not at ALL like how you’ve been writing him lately.  I demand that you rectify this situation immediately.

We see how in love he is with Pam in the very first episode, and nothing has really changed since.  Even when he was dating Karen, you could see that he still loved Pam and he was clearly shoving that love into a box, because it just hurt him too fucking much and he was REALLY trying to move on.  But he never DID move on.  He always knew that Pam was the one for him and he was SO SURE that he freaking bought an engagement ring a week after they started dating.

I’m just gonna leave his wedding speech here:

Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do, which was just to… wait. Don’t get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy. Didn’t need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick?  I’ve been driving stick since high school, so… For a really long time that’s all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And, a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with but I think, even then I knew that… I was waiting for my wife.

NOPE NOPE NOPE. (Also, I forever congratulate you on your face, John Krasinski.)

5) Rory Williams – Doctor Who

Talk about devotion.  RORY WAITED TWO THOUSAND YEARS OUTSIDE A BOX AS HE PROTECTED THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, AMELIA POND.  Sweet, nerdy, prone to dying Rory Williams loved Amy his entire life.  And a lesser man *ahem* Mickey *ahem* would have bowed out against competition as formidable as The Doctor.  But Rory never did.  Rory is the very definition of steadfast, and if you don’t appreciate/love him, then well…we can’t be friends.  Any woman would be LUCKY to find a Rory Williams.

And apologies to all Eleven and Amy shippers, but when push came to shove, Amy ALWAYS chose Rory.  Because she knew.  She knew what a gift of a man he was, even if she didn’t express it perfectly all of the time.

Rory: Anyway, what else is there? Dying of old age downstairs, never seeing you again? Amy, please. If you love me, then trust me and push.
Amy: I can’t.
Rory: You have to!
Amy: Could you? Could you if it was me? Could you do it?
Rory: To save you, I could do anything.
Amy: Prove it.
Rory: But I can’t take you too.
Amy: You said we’d come back to life. Money-where-your-mouth-is time.
Rory: Amy, but—
Amy: Shut. Up. Together. Or not at all.

Happy Valentine’s Day dear readers!  Single or attached, may you drown all your television feels in candy!

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