Earlier this week Sage posted her Top 5 TV Boyfriends, so clearly I must do the same. It’s funny, because as I was putting list together, I realized that I not only have a physical type when it comes to my TV boyfriends, I clearly have an emotional type as well. All of these men are men who are SURE. They are SURE in their love for their partner, even when they are not in a relationship with them. Their love never wavers. Clearly, that says something about me, but that analysis is probably better left to a shrink.
There is a quote from Grey’s Anatomy that sums all of these guys up:
I am sure. I am steady. And I know that I am a heart man. I take them apart and I put them back together and I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this I am sure, you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend, my heart…my heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you me.
(Now, let’s IGNORE the fact that the above wedding didn’t actually happen. That’s neither here nor there.)
So let’s take a look at these men who have given women everywhere incredibly unrealistic expectations for relationships, shall we?
1) Seeley Booth – Bones
I’m just gonna go ahead and quote Angela Montenegro here: “Booth is a big, strong, hot guy who wants to save your life. I mean, you actually have a knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor, so cut him some slack.”
Enough said. Next please.
Also I CANNOT with how he looks at Brennan. Boreanaz has TRULY perfected the “I love you so much it physically hurts me” look, no?
And if that’s not enough, as we saw in last week’s episode, he puts on carnivals for sick children and wants to remain anonymous about it. *DIES*
2) Pacey Witter – Dawson’s Creek
Pacey Witter treads the line between TV Bad Boy that we love anyway (our post about THOSE is coming in the next few weeks) and perfect TV Boyfriend. But come on. HE BOUGHT JOEY A WALL (well…rented it. BUT STILL). He counted to ten before kissing her again just in case she wanted to stop him. He “remembers everything”. He named his boat “True Love” for Joey. Basically, underneath all of his bravado, Pacey Witter was the world’s BIGGEST romantic.
Sure Pacey was very often self-destructive and plagued by feelings of unworthiness (UGH THE END OF SEASON FOUR). He always had the best of intentions, but often messed up in trying to carry them out. But his flaws are what made him perfect. No matter what, no matter how badly he would muck things up, you always cheered for him and wanted him to be happy. Even if it WAS with Joey Potter, who didn’t deserve his wonderfulness.
Yeah I said it.
On Valentine’s Day, since Kim’s boyfriend is out of town and I’m flying solo preeeeetty much always, we’ll be celebrating our second annual Galentine’s Day! Plans include a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon; some pastel baked goods; and sneaking miniature bottles of whiskey into a screening of Safe Haven. Romance!
Now, my default setting is single, and I’m fine with that. Why wouldn’t I be, when I have all these amazing TV boyfriends? (Read that as something less sad than it sounded in my head.) I’m not opposed to wife-ing up, however, and CLEARLY, I have a type. So, if you know any nerdy-hot, brown-haired boys of an average height and an above-average wit, send them my way.
For comparison, here are my Top 5 TV Valentines, in no particular order:
1. Eric Taylor
Friday Night Lights is a veritable buffet of delectable TV boyfriends. There’s something for everyone, whether you prefer Tim’s nobility; Jason’s perseverance; Matt’s sweetness; Landry’s sense of humor; or any of the other qualities displayed by the men of East and West Dillon. I love each and every one of them, but my heart will always come back to Coach.
Eric Taylor is a MAN-man, you guys, and not just because he’s so Sporty Spice. He is a husband and a father and a mentor, and takes all of those roles seriously. The chemistry between Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton was so epic that the creative team were sure they’d be having an affair before filming even began. They didn’t (that we know of…), but good god, do I see why they were concerned. The Taylor marriage would DESTROY in a cagematch of TV marriages.
And then there’s Eric as parent – to occasionally bratty daughter Julie, surprise!baby Gracie Bell, and the hundreds of boys he mentored and elevated as coach of the Dillon Panthers and Lions. As you may know if you’ve ever been in a bar with me after 1am on a particularly good night, I have the entire Coach/Saracen nighttime field scene from first season episode “Eyes Wide Open” memorized. Before all the “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” inspirational yelling, Coach tells Matt exactly what he thinks about his tiny house and batty grandma:
“I’ll tell you somethin’. I know you didn’t want me to step foot in your house tonight. I’ll tell you somethin’ else and don’t you ever forget this: you should feel proud. You should feel real proud.”
If you ever felt confused about whether you wanted Coach to adopt you and help you unlock all your latent potential OR to rock your world in the back of a flat-bed truck, then congratulations – you watched FNL correctly.
2. Josh Lyman
From his introduction in The West Wing pilot, I was a 1003758% gone Josh Lyman fangirl. He is a hot damn mess of a person, I know. But Joshua Lyman is the same brilliant, wounded idiot that all of us have spent our lives chasing after. He just screams, “fix me.”
To prove I’m not a complete masochist, I’ll remind you of Josh’s good qualities: he’s rabidly loyal, and throws his entire self into his friendships and his work. He’s so fucking smart, and, whadaya know, speaks fluent Sorkin! Game on, indeed.
He also passes the “YOUR FACE” test, which has to do with how many times an episode I yell, “YOUR FACE!” and throw a pillow at the TV. See below.
3. Chandler Bing
Telling you that I love Chandler Bing is like telling you I have brown eyes. It’s chemical. It’s biological. It’s in my BLOOD.
4. Ed Stevens
Ed Stevens is perfectly on the edge of the right side of How I Met Your Mother‘s Dobbler/Dahmer line. His tireless pursuit of Carol Vessey (as Julie Bowen will always be known to me, Modern Family be damned) was so charming – how did the woman manage to resist for so long?
He is a BOWLING ALLEY LAWYER. How are you not going to marry that guy? Is there a roller skating rink doctor we don’t know about?
I will also accept as my Stuckeyville valentine Ed’s best friend, Dr. Mike Burton. We would spend our days making $10 bets and eating sarcasm sandwiches.
Finally: SOMEONE PUT THIS SHOW ON DVD, JESUS CHRIST.
5. Ben Wyatt
He owns his own batsuit and has hundreds of accounting jokes at the ready. What is not to love about Benjamin Wyatt, Human Disaster, Boy Mayor, First Man of Pawnee?
I basically sing the praises of Ben every week in my Parks recaps, so I don’t know what more there is to say. Just know that all the Roman gladiators and firey Latin lovers you could leave on my doorstep could never compare to a single Deputy City Manager in a plaid button-down.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of our gorgeous readers! If we could, we’d hug each and every one of you, a little too tightly and for a little bit too long.
Friends will forever be my favorite sitcom.
Yes. Even more than my beloved Community.
I grew up with Friends, as it premiered when I was 15 and ended when I was 25 (ugh, now I feel OLD). It (along with The X-Files and Dawson’s Creek) defined event television when I was in college. I often had rehearsal on Thursday nights, but I would set my faithful VCR (remember when you had to do that? #theworst) and everyone would come over to my apartment afterwards to watch together. I lived for the day when a season would get released on DVD and I could marathon it. The day of the finale, my best friend and I ordered The Joey Special (TWO PIZZAS?!) and watched our favorite episodes all day and then cried while watching the finale.
As a side note we did the same thing earlier that year when Sex and the City ended, except it was cosmos instead of pizzas. 2004 was a rough year for TV lovers.
Friends remains my ultimate TV comfort food. I tend to watch the entire series every year or so, so asking me to choose my favorite 5 episodes is a bit rough. But I’ve done it AND I have ranked them. So here we go…
5) “The One Where Ross Got High” – Season Six, Episode 9
All of the Thanksgiving episodes are CLASSICS. One of my favorite traditions is watching all of the episodes while I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner…it’s the perfect way to pass the time while the turkey is in the oven. So why THIS Thanksgiving episode? Because I can never imagine an English Trifle without beef sautéed with peas and onions. Because whenever I am stuck somewhere I don’t want to be I do this. And because this is one of the greatest 96 seconds to ever happen on television:
If you watch the DVD commentary for this episode, you’ll learn that it took them FOREVER to get through this scene as the audience was laughing too hard with each confession. Amazing.
4) “The One With The Prom Video” – Season Two, Episode 14
Also known as the episode where Joey buys Chandler a gaudy gold bracelet that says “Best Buds” and they become bracelet buddies (THAT’S WHAT THEY’LL CALL US!!).
Also known as the episode with first appearance of Fat Monica. (“Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds!!” “How many camera are ON you?”)
Who am I kidding?
This is the episode where after MONTHS of torturing us with one of the most epic kisses ever and then immediately breaking up when he wrote a list comparing her to Julie (“She’s not RACHUM?!”), Ross and Rachel FINALLY got together for good. Well until mid Season Three anyway 😉
“See?! He’s her lobster!!” is one of the best responses ever. I remember screaming and jumping up and down when this happened. I should have known THEN what kind of fangirl I was.
Community Held Hostage, Day 10. Things are starting to feel dire. The longer we go without any word, the more I fear we’ll be airing in January. There was a giant tease yesterday when TV.com listed a return date of 11/1/12…which would have meant that Up All Night was toast and Community was moving into its place. Alas, that rumor proved to be false when TV.com confirmed that all listings are user-generated. It’s a double edge sword…I desperately want my show back, but I ALSO don’t want it airing in the bloodbath that is the NBC Thursday Night line-up. So the Community fandom continues to wait and watch the ratings for Animal Practice and Guys with Kids like a hawk. With any luck, by this time tomorrow, one or both of those shows will be off the line-up.
But I’m not writing this blog to be a downer. Not today anyway. Today I choose to celebrate what I love about Community by naming my top 5 episodes. I talked this over with Jenn yesterday for a good while…how to even pick a top 5? Surely a top 10 would be easier and more forgiving of personal sentiment over episode quality. All of that is true. But I wanted to choose a top 5. Someone of these choices reflect personal preference, some of the episodes are ones that are no brainers. All of them are episodes I would choose to show a Community newbie to hook them into the series. So here we go…POP POP.
5) Debate 109
This is my most sentimental Top 5 choice. I chose this episode because the moment in that gif? That’s the exact moment that I fell in love with Community…when Annie Edison took down her hair and Jeff Winger was completely gobsmacked by it. I remember watching this episode in my season one marathon and this moment happened and I sat up and said, “Ooooohhh…now THIS is interesting.” And the rest of the episode sealed the deal. I was all in with Community. I don’t think the writers had ANY idea what would happen when they put Jeff and Annie (or more specifically, Joel McHale and Alison Brie) together. Their chemistry is nothing short of electric.
PS Dan Harmon, I’m 33 years old and I ship Jeff and Annie like no one’s business. And it’s NOT because I think they look cute together.
Like Kim, I was a shipper long before there was a word for it. I shipped 80s cartoons and characters in terrible, short-run 90s sitcoms. I could not be stopped. (For the definition of “shipper” and Kim’s Top 5 TV Kisses, go to her post here.) So when a favorite TV kisses post was suggested, I basically had my Top 5 already selected, ranked, and laminated on a handy wallet-sized card.
How do you know if a TV kiss was a good one? If you look like this at work or school the next day, that’s a pretty good indicator:
Without further ado, here are my Top 5 TV makeout moments. Get it, everyone:
5) Pacey and Joey, “Cinderella Story”, Dawson’s Creek
“And you call me in the middle of the night to pick you up…why?”
“Well I’m sorry that I called, I thought that I-“
“I’m not mad that you called me, i just want to know why you called me.”
“You were the first person that I thought of, Pacey.”
“And what does that mean, Jo?”
“It means…I guess it…it means that I can talk to you and that you’re there for me.”
“Don’t you ever get tired of talking?”
Pacey Witter has always been and will always be TOO GOOD for Joey Potter. This kiss has the benefit of coming at the end of a “THAT’S IT,” pulling-over-to-the-side-of-the road moment, and also of SHUTTING HER UP.
“You must remember this…a kiss is just a kiss.”
Unless you are characters on a television show. Then a kiss can be everything.
One of the biggest reasons we tune into TV shows every week is to see the relationships between the characters. I will admit that I am a shameless shipper. I squeal and/or flail about when my favorite couple finally kisses. And before you scoff at the term “shipper”…if you ever wanted two characters to get together, guess what? You shipped them. And if you never wanted two characters to get together…why are you even watching TV?
Earlier this week our friend Angel said we should do a post about our favorite TV kisses. Since I love lists, as they will without a doubt stir up a discussion…here are my Top 5 TV kisses. Look out for Sage’s Top 5 later today.
5) Derek and Meredith, “Losing My Religion”, Grey’s Anatomy
Season Two was torture for fans of Meredith and McDreamy. Derek chose to stay in his marriage to Addison, even though he was clearly still in love with Meredith. So we had a season full of longing glances, stolen moments full of sexual tension and epic fights culminating in this moment at the Prom (yes, I know it is ridiculous, but the concept worked, so just go with it).
Meredith: Stop looking at me!
Derek: I’m not looking at you.
Meredith: You are looking at me! And you watch me and Finn has plans. I like Finn, he’s perfect for me and I’m really trying here to be happy. And I can’t breathe, I can’t BREATHE with you looking at me like that, so just STOP.
Derek: Do you think I want to look at you? Don’t you think I’d rather be looking at my wife? She doesn’t drive me crazy, she doesn’t make it impossible for me to feel normal, she doesn’t make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands. Man, I would give ANYTHING not to be looking at you right now.
And then he kissed her and they had some really really hot sex right there in the exam room. It was so hot I didn’t even care that the sex was all illicit and adulterous. Sorry, Addison.