Earlier this week Sage posted her Top 5 TV Boyfriends, so clearly I must do the same. It’s funny, because as I was putting list together, I realized that I not only have a physical type when it comes to my TV boyfriends, I clearly have an emotional type as well. All of these men are men who are SURE. They are SURE in their love for their partner, even when they are not in a relationship with them. Their love never wavers. Clearly, that says something about me, but that analysis is probably better left to a shrink.
There is a quote from Grey’s Anatomy that sums all of these guys up:
I am sure. I am steady. And I know that I am a heart man. I take them apart and I put them back together and I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this I am sure, you are my partner, my lover, my very best friend, my heart…my heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this: I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you me.
(Now, let’s IGNORE the fact that the above wedding didn’t actually happen. That’s neither here nor there.)
So let’s take a look at these men who have given women everywhere incredibly unrealistic expectations for relationships, shall we?
1) Seeley Booth – Bones
I’m just gonna go ahead and quote Angela Montenegro here: “Booth is a big, strong, hot guy who wants to save your life. I mean, you actually have a knight in shining FBI standard-issue body armor, so cut him some slack.”
Enough said. Next please.
Also I CANNOT with how he looks at Brennan. Boreanaz has TRULY perfected the “I love you so much it physically hurts me” look, no?
And if that’s not enough, as we saw in last week’s episode, he puts on carnivals for sick children and wants to remain anonymous about it. *DIES*
2) Pacey Witter – Dawson’s Creek
Pacey Witter treads the line between TV Bad Boy that we love anyway (our post about THOSE is coming in the next few weeks) and perfect TV Boyfriend. But come on. HE BOUGHT JOEY A WALL (well…rented it. BUT STILL). He counted to ten before kissing her again just in case she wanted to stop him. He “remembers everything”. He named his boat “True Love” for Joey. Basically, underneath all of his bravado, Pacey Witter was the world’s BIGGEST romantic.
Sure Pacey was very often self-destructive and plagued by feelings of unworthiness (UGH THE END OF SEASON FOUR). He always had the best of intentions, but often messed up in trying to carry them out. But his flaws are what made him perfect. No matter what, no matter how badly he would muck things up, you always cheered for him and wanted him to be happy. Even if it WAS with Joey Potter, who didn’t deserve his wonderfulness.
Yeah I said it.
One of the things I love most about Sage is that I can text her my TV related thoughts (that are usually CAPSLOCKED) at anytime day or night. So the following exchange is not at all unusual at 11:52 on a Friday night:
Me: First ep of The Office done. ENDING UNACCEPTABLE
Sage: GOD DAMN IT BRIAN.
Me: Like. I can’t. It’s stressing me out. STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP.gif
(That’s right. When I can’t USE gifs, I still talk in them. I am a completely normal person, okay?)
When a series is in the home stretch of its final season, it is inevitable that there will be some form of Eleventh Hour Drama. Someone gets a job offer/opportunity to travel to Paris and has to decide whether to stay with her friends or to go and forge a new path. Sometimes an ex-boyfriend comes back for the lead character after realizing that she’s been the one the whole time. And he comes back for her in Paris.
But do you know why that drama worked on shows like Friends, Dawson’s Creek, and Sex and the City? Because the drama surrounded on again/off again couples like Ross and Rachel, Carrie and Big, and the Pacey/Joey/Dawson triangle, and since those relationships were all unresolved at that point in the series, some drama was to be expected (if not demanded). You didn’t see Friends throwing some sort of Hail Mary out of nowhere “is this relationship okay?” storyline with Monica and Chandler in the final season. And that’s why I am more than a little perturbed at what The Office is doing with Jim and Pam this season.
One of the best things about The Office over the course of its nine-year run is the way the Jim and Pam relationship was handled. Yes there was a good deal of pining and angst, but once they got together, they STAYED together. And the relationship progressed naturally through dating, dealing with long distance for a time, getting engaged, married and then starting a family (though not QUITE in that order. Which made it more realistic, quite honestly). We never once doubted that Jim and Pam were a team. Soul mates. Madly in love with each other, even once they got through the ridiculous honeymoon phase. Yes, as any normal couple would, they faced struggles. But even then we never doubted that our beloved PB & J would ride off into the sunset together, with CeCe and Philip in tow at the end of the series.
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and then it’s hilarious.
My Saturday night involved, among other things, a spectacularly unglamorous faceplant on the subway stairs. And I woke up Sunday morning looking something like this:
Embarrassing and painful falls have their silver linings. Sometimes it’s a day off work to get an X-Ray, but mostly it’s entertaining your friends. And I’d never deny my friends the right to laugh at my humiliation. Let’s all just agree to admit that you are never too sophisticated to laugh at someone biting it.
Also, I think I heard somewhere that you’re supposed to channel your pain into art. It was probably on Smash, right before everyone pretended that they’d actually recognize Ryan Tedder on sight. So, here is my cathartic blog full of awesome falls. I’m feeling better already.
Chandler Bing and the bullies – Friends
There’s no shortage of Friends falls to choose from, but this one has always been my favorite. Matthew Perry defined Chandler’s physicality so early in the series (it’s all about the arms) and this is just a brilliant moment. He is simultaneously running AND falling down, which I don’t think is even possible. FF to 2:44 for the good stuff.
Tobias as Mrs. Featherbottom – Arrested Development
“We shan’t be telling your mother this, shan’t we?”
Like Kim, I was a shipper long before there was a word for it. I shipped 80s cartoons and characters in terrible, short-run 90s sitcoms. I could not be stopped. (For the definition of “shipper” and Kim’s Top 5 TV Kisses, go to her post here.) So when a favorite TV kisses post was suggested, I basically had my Top 5 already selected, ranked, and laminated on a handy wallet-sized card.
How do you know if a TV kiss was a good one? If you look like this at work or school the next day, that’s a pretty good indicator:
Without further ado, here are my Top 5 TV makeout moments. Get it, everyone:
5) Pacey and Joey, “Cinderella Story”, Dawson’s Creek
“And you call me in the middle of the night to pick you up…why?”
“Well I’m sorry that I called, I thought that I-“
“I’m not mad that you called me, i just want to know why you called me.”
“You were the first person that I thought of, Pacey.”
“And what does that mean, Jo?”
“It means…I guess it…it means that I can talk to you and that you’re there for me.”
“Don’t you ever get tired of talking?”
Pacey Witter has always been and will always be TOO GOOD for Joey Potter. This kiss has the benefit of coming at the end of a “THAT’S IT,” pulling-over-to-the-side-of-the road moment, and also of SHUTTING HER UP.