On Valentine’s Day, since Kim’s boyfriend is out of town and I’m flying solo preeeeetty much always, we’ll be celebrating our second annual Galentine’s Day! Plans include a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon; some pastel baked goods; and sneaking miniature bottles of whiskey into a screening of Safe Haven. Romance!
Now, my default setting is single, and I’m fine with that. Why wouldn’t I be, when I have all these amazing TV boyfriends? (Read that as something less sad than it sounded in my head.) I’m not opposed to wife-ing up, however, and CLEARLY, I have a type. So, if you know any nerdy-hot, brown-haired boys of an average height and an above-average wit, send them my way.
For comparison, here are my Top 5 TV Valentines, in no particular order:
1. Eric Taylor
Friday Night Lights is a veritable buffet of delectable TV boyfriends. There’s something for everyone, whether you prefer Tim’s nobility; Jason’s perseverance; Matt’s sweetness; Landry’s sense of humor; or any of the other qualities displayed by the men of East and West Dillon. I love each and every one of them, but my heart will always come back to Coach.
Eric Taylor is a MAN-man, you guys, and not just because he’s so Sporty Spice. He is a husband and a father and a mentor, and takes all of those roles seriously. The chemistry between Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton was so epic that the creative team were sure they’d be having an affair before filming even began. They didn’t (that we know of…), but good god, do I see why they were concerned. The Taylor marriage would DESTROY in a cagematch of TV marriages.
And then there’s Eric as parent – to occasionally bratty daughter Julie, surprise!baby Gracie Bell, and the hundreds of boys he mentored and elevated as coach of the Dillon Panthers and Lions. As you may know if you’ve ever been in a bar with me after 1am on a particularly good night, I have the entire Coach/Saracen nighttime field scene from first season episode “Eyes Wide Open” memorized. Before all the “WHAT IS YOUR NAME?” inspirational yelling, Coach tells Matt exactly what he thinks about his tiny house and batty grandma:
“I’ll tell you somethin’. I know you didn’t want me to step foot in your house tonight. I’ll tell you somethin’ else and don’t you ever forget this: you should feel proud. You should feel real proud.”
If you ever felt confused about whether you wanted Coach to adopt you and help you unlock all your latent potential OR to rock your world in the back of a flat-bed truck, then congratulations – you watched FNL correctly.
2. Josh Lyman
From his introduction in The West Wing pilot, I was a 1003758% gone Josh Lyman fangirl. He is a hot damn mess of a person, I know. But Joshua Lyman is the same brilliant, wounded idiot that all of us have spent our lives chasing after. He just screams, “fix me.”
To prove I’m not a complete masochist, I’ll remind you of Josh’s good qualities: he’s rabidly loyal, and throws his entire self into his friendships and his work. He’s so fucking smart, and, whadaya know, speaks fluent Sorkin! Game on, indeed.
He also passes the “YOUR FACE” test, which has to do with how many times an episode I yell, “YOUR FACE!” and throw a pillow at the TV. See below.
3. Chandler Bing
Telling you that I love Chandler Bing is like telling you I have brown eyes. It’s chemical. It’s biological. It’s in my BLOOD.
4. Ed Stevens
http://youtu.be/KcYO9n0j0Z0
Ed Stevens is perfectly on the edge of the right side of How I Met Your Mother‘s Dobbler/Dahmer line. His tireless pursuit of Carol Vessey (as Julie Bowen will always be known to me, Modern Family be damned) was so charming – how did the woman manage to resist for so long?
He is a BOWLING ALLEY LAWYER. How are you not going to marry that guy? Is there a roller skating rink doctor we don’t know about?
I will also accept as my Stuckeyville valentine Ed’s best friend, Dr. Mike Burton. We would spend our days making $10 bets and eating sarcasm sandwiches.
Finally: SOMEONE PUT THIS SHOW ON DVD, JESUS CHRIST.
5. Ben Wyatt
He owns his own batsuit and has hundreds of accounting jokes at the ready. What is not to love about Benjamin Wyatt, Human Disaster, Boy Mayor, First Man of Pawnee?
I basically sing the praises of Ben every week in my Parks recaps, so I don’t know what more there is to say. Just know that all the Roman gladiators and firey Latin lovers you could leave on my doorstep could never compare to a single Deputy City Manager in a plaid button-down.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of our gorgeous readers! If we could, we’d hug each and every one of you, a little too tightly and for a little bit too long.
I like to think I know you guys pretty well. Thus, I’m guessing that you’re pretty excited for tonight’s episode of New Girl. Considering the way my timeline blew up last Tuesday night, we’re all pretty invested in the budding attraction and possible romance between Jessica Day and Nick Miller (Nick Miller, from the streets of Chicago.) I usually catch up with the loft crew on Hulu on Wednesday morning. But immediately after it aired, I got a text from Blog Wife ordering me to find some way of getting my hands on the episode ASAP. Because it was “up there with Jeff and Annie in the season 1 finale. And ‘Casino Night.”‘ “Casino Night”? The standard to which I hold all “my-ship-is-setting-sail” moments? I think I can make time for that.
And was it ever “Casino Night” good. If I had had a pack of cigarettes on hand, I would have smoked them all at the same time. And I don’t smoke.
As much as I re-watch and flail over THE moments, my favorite part is what comes after that first kiss, love confession, or oops-we-accidentally-naked. From the preview clips, we can tell that tonight’s New Girl starts right where the last left off. And I am jonesing for some awkward, “what did we just do?” shenanigans. To prepare, I’ve collected a few of my favorite “Morning After” scenes from television and movies. Join me in the gutter, won’t you?
Chandler and Monica – Friends
Friends had been dropping hints about Mondler for an entire season, but this reveal still broke my teenage brain. I particularly enjoy how Monica is looking relatively calm, while Chandler is clutching the sheet to his body like a virgin on prom night. (We’ll get to one of those later.) Even though this hook-up was set up like a drinking-sad/comfort-sex mistake, we all knew these two were in it for the long haul. And, bonus, in the 7th season episode “The One with the Truth about London,” we get to see how the whole thing actually went down.
Ross and Rachel in Vegas – Friends
There’s something that you really need to know to truly understand me as a person. My Friends OTP isn’t Ross/Rachel. It isn’t even Chandler/Monica, though they’re a close second. I will forever carry the banner for Joey/Rachel, and I will and have gone down with that ship.
That’s a whole post on its own. But the main reason I changed allegiances is that I got the Ross/Rachel fatigue. The high drama moments were exhausting. This Ross and Rachel, the exes and friends who are kind of still weird around each other, are my favorite. Instead of dealing with an emotional crisis, they’re dealing with the fallout of epic drunkenness and a wedding that was, to quote Ross, “Nevada’s fault.” Helllooooo, Mrs. Ross. Hellooooooo, Mr. Rachel!
Brodie and Rene – Mallrats
“What are you doing? You promised me breakfast.”
“Breakfast, shmreakfast. Look at the score, for Christ’s sake. It’s only the second period and I’m up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, “the Whale,” they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime.”
Brodie Bruce’s ideal post-coital plans involve a few hours of video games before an afternoon of Olympic-caliber loitering. But Rene decides it’s still a better deal than being fucked in the back of a Volkswagen by a husky Ben Affleck. That’s what they’re talking about, right?
Jim and Michelle, sort of – American Pie
For everyone who ever wished they could have the fun night AND the bliss of waking up alone. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t have it all.
Friends will forever be my favorite sitcom.
Yes. Even more than my beloved Community.
I grew up with Friends, as it premiered when I was 15 and ended when I was 25 (ugh, now I feel OLD). It (along with The X-Files and Dawson’s Creek) defined event television when I was in college. I often had rehearsal on Thursday nights, but I would set my faithful VCR (remember when you had to do that? #theworst) and everyone would come over to my apartment afterwards to watch together. I lived for the day when a season would get released on DVD and I could marathon it. The day of the finale, my best friend and I ordered The Joey Special (TWO PIZZAS?!) and watched our favorite episodes all day and then cried while watching the finale.
As a side note we did the same thing earlier that year when Sex and the City ended, except it was cosmos instead of pizzas. 2004 was a rough year for TV lovers.
Friends remains my ultimate TV comfort food. I tend to watch the entire series every year or so, so asking me to choose my favorite 5 episodes is a bit rough. But I’ve done it AND I have ranked them. So here we go…
5) “The One Where Ross Got High” – Season Six, Episode 9
All of the Thanksgiving episodes are CLASSICS. One of my favorite traditions is watching all of the episodes while I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner…it’s the perfect way to pass the time while the turkey is in the oven. So why THIS Thanksgiving episode? Because I can never imagine an English Trifle without beef sautéed with peas and onions. Because whenever I am stuck somewhere I don’t want to be I do this. And because this is one of the greatest 96 seconds to ever happen on television:
If you watch the DVD commentary for this episode, you’ll learn that it took them FOREVER to get through this scene as the audience was laughing too hard with each confession. Amazing.
4) “The One With The Prom Video” – Season Two, Episode 14
Also known as the episode where Joey buys Chandler a gaudy gold bracelet that says “Best Buds” and they become bracelet buddies (THAT’S WHAT THEY’LL CALL US!!).
Also known as the episode with first appearance of Fat Monica. (“Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds!!” “How many camera are ON you?”)
Who am I kidding?
This is the episode where after MONTHS of torturing us with one of the most epic kisses ever and then immediately breaking up when he wrote a list comparing her to Julie (“She’s not RACHUM?!”), Ross and Rachel FINALLY got together for good. Well until mid Season Three anyway 😉
“See?! He’s her lobster!!” is one of the best responses ever. I remember screaming and jumping up and down when this happened. I should have known THEN what kind of fangirl I was.
It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and then it’s hilarious.
My Saturday night involved, among other things, a spectacularly unglamorous faceplant on the subway stairs. And I woke up Sunday morning looking something like this:
Did someone punch me in the face last night?
Embarrassing and painful falls have their silver linings. Sometimes it’s a day off work to get an X-Ray, but mostly it’s entertaining your friends. And I’d never deny my friends the right to laugh at my humiliation. Let’s all just agree to admit that you are never too sophisticated to laugh at someone biting it.
Also, I think I heard somewhere that you’re supposed to channel your pain into art. It was probably on Smash, right before everyone pretended that they’d actually recognize Ryan Tedder on sight. So, here is my cathartic blog full of awesome falls. I’m feeling better already.
Even “The Oncoming Storm” falls down sometimes. Okay, a lot of times.
Chandler Bing and the bullies – Friends
There’s no shortage of Friends falls to choose from, but this one has always been my favorite. Matthew Perry defined Chandler’s physicality so early in the series (it’s all about the arms) and this is just a brilliant moment. He is simultaneously running AND falling down, which I don’t think is even possible. FF to 2:44 for the good stuff.
Tobias as Mrs. Featherbottom – Arrested Development
“We shan’t be telling your mother this, shan’t we?”
Head Over Feels 
